March 8, 2005
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When I wrote my “Failure” poem, I had a bunch of stuff left over that I kind of liked but just did not fit into the poem. Thus, the leftover lines and a bit of messing around with them became this poem, “Apathy”, below. I wasn’t satisfied with it as is and thought I should go with the nautical theme in the third verse. Add a bit of Norse mythology and it became “Apathy `board Gunnlod’s Mead” which, as some people have noted, has some similarities with “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” by Samuel T. Coleridge who is one of my favorite writers. Since several people have asked me how I write a poem, I though I would go ahead and post this rough draft for those who are interested.
Apathy (A rough draft for comparison purposes)
A dance with the listless
marionettes with cut stings
heaped on the parquet
All vitality long sloughed away
By the always advancing
Always encroaching
Tide of frustration
And failure
Once proud and strong
A browbeaten chest
Bashed time and again
Against the seemingly
Immovable wall of hope
A cruel wellspring
That cried “try, try again”
But provided no prize
For the attempt
Only punishment
For the crime
Thus the will is crushed
And the struggle grows weaker
The attempts to overcome
Fewer and further apart
Desire and trust
Are dashed upon the rocks
And life becomes a long
Savage shipwreck
The once fierce heart
Drifts to and fro
In the sea’s foamy surf
Eroding with indifference
Degrading into entropy
At last arriving
Sinking into the harbor
Apathy
Comments (7)
Dear Andreas,
Even though this post is eerily similar to one on the ElectricPoetry Group, I’ll put my two cents in on your blog in case I haven’t commented on the group yet. I found this a very interesting segue into how you personally “construct” a poem. I have noticed that you always have the disclaimer at the top of this blog that all your works are in “progress”. Sort of like malleable emotions and observations that might change over time. A very interesting way to write poetry. And while I much prefer ‘Gunnlod’s Mead’, Coleridge comparisons and all, I really enjoyed seeing the words in thier “raw” state. Thanks for posting the “original.”
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
Tell ya the truth, Andreas, I like this one better than the long one. It’s more personal and immediate. Sometimes, more ingredients makes a more lackluster stew.
I second what paison_de_moot says. The rhythm of this one is better, more direct
I third! Here here!
Sometimes cutting a lot from a poem creates edge. This one has spark man, I can feel it.
Direct, as ascetikit said as well. This one has precision.
YOU DON’T LIKE PAUL SIMON??????????
oh, i’m shocked and bewildered.
~lisa
Thanks for sharing your process with us, this really spoke to me.
Everyone really dug your “Cheech and Chong” comment.
lisa
WOW. Such strong emotion and images from this.
“Desire and trust
Are dashed upon the rocks
And life becomes a long
Savage shipwreck”
These lines really hit home with me. I do love the way you write.